Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Oh, BeHAVE!



So the religio-righteous keep using the behavior line instead of orientation. Nice try, churchies. Nice try. That way, you can label it a sin because it is something you DO versus someone you just ARE.

Screw you. That's "behavior" for fuck off, I'm a person not an act. 

be·hav·ior 

[bih-heyv-yer] noun

1.manner of behaving or acting.
2.Psychology, Animal Behavior .
      a.observable activity in a human or animal.
      b.the aggregate of responses to internal and external stimuli.
      c.a stereotyped, species-specific activity, as a courtship dance or startle reflex.
3.Often, behaviors. a behavior pattern.
4.the action or reaction of any material under given circumstances: the behavior of tin under heat.

o·ri·en·ta·tion 

[awr-ee-uhn-tey-shuhn, -en-, ohr-] noun

1.the act or process of orienting.
2.the state of being oriented.
3.an introduction, as to guide one in adjusting to new surroundings, employment, activity, or the like: New employees receive two days of orientation.
4.Psychology, Psychiatry . the ability to locate oneself in one's environment with reference to time, place, and people.
5.one's position in relation to true north, to points on the compass, or to a specific place or object

MMMMMmmmm. Objects. 
So for further fun, have some fun exploring the hilarity on this topic when you ask Jeeves if he's gay:

Sunday, April 22, 2012

They Do Say This


Fag Bomb Boom


As a soft rain falls on a Sunday and May flowers come into bloom, NC Amendment One brings the bully pulpit ever closer to the voting booth on May 8th. Sure I’m all up in arms a little late about finally getting hitched after 23 years together, but come to find out the Church has conveniently forgotten their history (maybe we should put it in a book). It was the Enlightenment that gave birth to America, the Age of Reason, with secular referencing all around.

And, despite paying no tax at all, the Church is now invading the very lawbooks I support with mine, to the extent of excluding me from whole package of rights they think they can better “define” for the courts – not cathedrals. Different pews, priests! Different pews!

You see, I’ve been such the fairy fool. Distracted by the cause.

Of course, keep secular this Republic. But really, I could give a shit whether you throw rice at the tail end of my departing Subaru, trailing tin cans on strings with signs that say civil this or union that. Something much more sinister is afoot.

There’s a much more subtle homo in the homily, my friends – and we’ve all missed it, yapping about God so much at Town Hall lately. This latest and most audacious rift of Church forgetting forefathered fences and flat-out making up history is drowning out the sound of Nero’s fiddle with a cacophony of ignorance meant to divide and conquer what last remains of the Republic, a beholden piece of paper signed by visionaries and not priests or pope.

So here it is.

Even though it’s do tell all these days for the horny soldiers in the showers, the military has had gay garrisons in mind for years. You see the army has finally figured out just what to do with GAY in the armed forces alright: use it as weapon against the enemy.

Better than a bunker buster. Missiles that go right for the tiniest of holes. Drones that do not fly, and make the “enemy” walk down on all fours instead.

In Cuba, just on the other side of the very same island we outlaw with sanctions of economic scale, we began to see the picture emerge. Pictures, more accurately. A prison camp with no prisoners of war, but filled to the brim with “enemy combatants.” We went from twin towers falling to Nazi Germany in a matter of weeks, complete with rabid attack dogs, leashes for human beings held in American hands, and a lot of saran wrap apparently…

What we saw was a disgusting example of moral decay so purely evil we had to give it a cutesy Sesame Street puppet name that sounds nowhere close to the Bay of Pigs geography for where it really sits defiant against Geneva, opposed to basic human dignity, and absent all due rights of man.

What we saw was an irremovable collective retina burn of ‘wish you were here’ vacation photos from our soldiers stationed oversea. Here’s how it works.

Being gay is so hated, so hurtful, so poisonous to the civilized mind … that it is now the greatest military force in the world. Oh sure, we may argue over Iran (they hang the homos there) and the possibility they might go all Hiroshima or Nagasaki out there on Israel, but really the joke’s on us here at home rallying for the very Plutonium Pride marches each every June. The laughing must be deafening in a Pentagon pushing up pansies.

Shame, humiliate and break the enemy into submission just by making them be gay. If only they could choose! Yes, it's true… gay is so bad that it makes 'em talk, every time. Hoods, collars, and gay rape. Suffering and sadism.

Aimless young recruits devoid of compassion, laughing as they make Muslims piled up in pyramids taste the most vulgar of their sins, all while kneeling and crawling before the American power -- and worse, documenting it for all the world to see forevermore. This goes so far beyond the depravity of war.

This intrudes on ancient holiness. It cannot go away now, ever be forgotten. It is a new sort of atom bomb, for it still kills souls and maims people for generations with its own kind of ever-expanding radiation today and half-life for a long, long time to come, even though it happened way back just past nine eleven or so. 

Who am I to be?

Think about the terrible irony and intentional trickery of all this while here in the Homeland, raging queens on TV dressed up hopeless straight men like preschool rag dolls and everyone raved with the rating's full approval. Or, think about the closet Gleeks who just love the songy sweethearts when they kiss, and the undying friends who pass right by lockers to defend them in the halls.

Think about the insult of all of this for me now when it's referendum rally-ready to go LEGAL for gays to get hitched. Yes, it's true… gay is so home down good now, it made primetime TV thrive and then went right to the wedding ceremony from there. Big parties. Big shows. Big boulevards full of drag queen bows.

A certain kind of camp.


So as a gay guy, I’ll say it, a generation out, this tale of two cities of truth has me deeply worried, for it means an entire nation is saying one thing while doing quite another to people elsewhere in the world. Or doing many things while saying not all that much publicly. Either way, though, I'm seeing both sides of America’s moral mouth moving along the harmonica of politics, feigned acceptance, and endless war.

Forced homosexuality being used as a torture device and documented homosexuality being used as a social device at the same time. Bizarro!

Not everyone likes gays, don't get me wrong. But don't let us fool you, despite longtime partnerships and love and lovely homes, being gay does still mean having sex with other men no matter how you slice it up. Either it's dirty or it's not. On the cleaner side of things, you have to admit we do endorse it with tolerance and some annual parade toward Pride. We endorse it even further in some kinds of church. God knows, the Church organs have been pulsating as certain ministers and priests alike have seen to their fair share of fair young flocks.

And now? We let the lawyers in. And the statesmen too. The corporate sponsors. The bigwig bigots now retired changing word. The IRS? The list goes on, except for eHarmony maybe. All official. All accepted. All right with you and me. 

But wait, there’s more than Gitmo that hits the eye (and blackens it). In Syria, for instance, and pretty much everywhere else the people rise in spring to western Democracy’s call, murderous mercenaries and slimy soldiers take to rounding up and brutally raping all the men in tiny villages, pants down and batons up right in front of wives and children -- just to spread the terror of wanting change around.

Funny. Here, we call that AIDS. The only disease they actually put the word “acquired” in, as if all others magically manifested from thin air.

So I ask you, those who tolerate my kind as long as it’s behind closed doors, does this mean all the men in camouflage with the big big guns and blond boots all across the globe… are really gay? I mean, they’re sodomizing MEN! I don’t know, you tell me. Because trust me, I really, really want to know. Porno Politick.

I am a weapon now, not a newlywed to be.   

And not just in Middle Eastern desert towns. Here. too, hopeless, painful tides run deep underneath the Broadway show. All of this while we're about to fall headlong into the debate of the century. The self-proclaimed gay pride month of merriment awaits no matter the outcome of voting, complete with its corporate beer-sponsored parades. Same old labels, you know, just with triangles.

Gay's like that, though. Every time you see it out loud it's all a great big show, and there are always a lot of people laughing at it anyway in one form or another. Pointing in pictures, even. Where did we see that before?

So as the clock ticks and the tallies count, I really think I'm two gays in one. There's the queer me that's more legal every day, legitimate even; and then there's still the depraved faggot one, disgusting whole nations at a time with the acts that have to go along for the rise. In a Polaroid or on a wedding license.

A tale of two truths, no? Will no-one say it?

Either it’s queer or it’s not. The norm or something stranger. Disgusting, or duly free. But it can’t be both. I can’t be both. To force my suffering lot in life onto other men who are not compassed for other men is wrong. Morally so. I dare say, even a sin.

And we will all pay for this somehow. I just know it, because when the Male and Female aspects of divine Nature become one bitching Hermaphrodite, He-She’s going right for the submissive tops. The ones with rockets in their hands. And suspects to kill.

I didn’t ever choose to be gay, I chose not to lie. Brutal armies chose gay. Let me hear you tell them how wrong they are. Problem is, nobody – oh nobody – will ever cry out to tell this hopeless humanity to stop using the Faggotry as some kind of infantry, some kind of mask in the Endtime’s play, hiding still the dark recesses of the human heart. The camel through no eye of a needle on the way to Heaven.

Not supporting war is one thing. But how the hell can I not support being gay?

Impulse or Orientation?

You gotta love the Right being so wrong about taking it up the ass.

I learned today the underbelly of the opposition is composed mostly of flat. For starters, there's the medical, psychological, and social science studies to prove it is no choice one makes at all. Here's the official APA page on it:

Sexual Orientation and Homosexuality


If it's a choice, then what the hell is coming out of the closet? Is it a SECRET choice? If it's a choice I made, then what glorious day did I get up and decide it would be cool to be harassed and beaten up all through school? When did I pull the vending machine lever for the real ugly wrapper, the unsatisfying candy bar that says - yeah this is a good one to choose for a bit of the ol' different!. Eat up, loser! And... NO CHANGE GIVEN.

Wouldn't I have chosen the easier way to the Prom? When did you choose to be straight? The insipid and broken record claim that I constantly want, and give into, the very sinful chocolate cake everyone else on the deity diet refrains from, is a dead giveaway the pot is indeed calling the kettle gay. Or coloring it that way I guess.

I think Dan Savage said it best when he wrote to Herman Cain back in the ElaphantusRex debate circus that is still largely trapeze act despite Mitt Money, er, I mean Romney. Anyway, the Herm said that to be gay means you make a choice about it. Dan wrote to him and said, if it's a choice, choose it right now and then suck my dick. He did! Needless to say we never got the film on that one.

Fact is, it's been known since the 70s scientifically and medically that "gay" is no disorder at all, and simply one facet of the broad natural spectrum of sexual "behaviors," among man and beast alike. Now I'm definitely vocal about what "I'm into," any of my friends will tell you that. Let's just say sticking things up bottom bound is not my thing at all - but I am still quite the sucker for a wooden spoon - to lick the frosting on the cake anyway.

Because, as we all know, you can't have your cock and eat it, too.

The haters all say the same tired thing - that I just am weak in the knees and give into desire. I should be more disciplined (is ANYONE following these wondrous jokes?) Last time I checked that was in the Constitution too - pursuit of happiness. I see now they meant a never-ending race.

What does it matter, really?

We all hated polarized plugs and the three-pronger thing, but the alarm clock and TV are running just fine today. It adapted.There are enough breeders to make the babies, trust me. Why all the focus on penis penis pumpkin pie? Call it folly, but perchance the frat hazings never fade away. Perhaps the lusts of youth denied by a lovely home and office job really frustrate the one blowing in the back alley, and that has made for some very VERY angry torchbearers lately, and I don't mean the ones like Lady Liberty carries alight.

My thing is - men are men are men... are pigs. No matter the song or stage. In prison it's pretty gay. But those inmates were quite straight when they went in, weren't they? And so straight when they get out that they don't head to the disco but right to the district instead, red lights and all. See? They stuck it in and bent over just like in your bawdy brain, and here they are back to the broads on release.

I dunno, maybe they chose TWICE, because that's what freedom is all about. The freedom to choose.

Saturday, April 07, 2012

SPOUSE in the HOUSE

WEAR IT WITH PRIDE

Brilliant (IMHO) t-shirt design I just came up with in opposition to May 8's Republican Primary / yet applies to all parties hahaha ballot question.

CAMPAIGN BACKGROUND

NC is putting democracy in action by asking a small sliver of voters on Primary Day if some of its citizens should be forever barred from the same rights everyone else has to obtain a license to marry, or become certified as a couple officially.

Yes, a clarification vote denying a state permit to fellow citizens guilty of no crimes, who contribute to society and share lives like everyone else with a home, yet... whom some groups despise as degenerates unworthy of legitimacy under law.

This is not official mind you, just some group's opinion people say is the majority. But let's vote anyway in making it official state policy that we shall all agree with the  fundamentalist splinter group.

POLITICAL ACTION INSERT

So to go with the t-shirt I'm thinking of a marketing insert card thing. This could serve to educate and entertain the consumer on this fiasco of democracy.

CORE MESSAGE: AMERICA OPPOSES TYRANNY

The America Revolution and this great Nation were founded on gaining liberty from tyranny in the pursuit of happiness. A revolt or two happened, because the church and state back then were working together, keeping everyone in bondage and the people were tired of it.

The Age of Reason! A New Republic, where the people are the government and such institutions shall no longer carry forth the authority of state. That tends to create nothing but Lords and peasants. So God Bless America! Power to the People!

PARODY IN ALL-CAPS: LEGAL TENDER

That whole rant will be worked in on the front of the card, but the best part is the back. Here, I'll re-print the text of the proposed law, interpreted for ease of absorption via absurdity.

{ headline }
When voting your Republican Primary Ballot for Romney, Newt or Satan to go on to the race against Obama, don't forget weigh in on the big nonpartisan one we slipped in there! It reads (sorta):

{ legal text }
SHALL WE CITIZENS OF NORTH CAROLINA COME TO ORDER AND CHANGE EXISTING CONSTITUTIONAL LAW AS FOLLOWS ...

ADD TO THE ALREADY EXCLUSIVE INVALIDATION OF RIGHTS FOR SOME OF OUR FELLOW CITIZENS THE FOLLOWING ADDITIONAL CLARIFICATIONS :

• ONLY A MOMMY AND A DADDY ARE LEGAL TO LOVE IN THIS STATE, BUDDY. NO TWO DADDIES, NO TWO MOMMIES, NOW AND FOREVER.

• THE STATE GRANTS LICENSE TO MARRY TO ALL ITS CITIZENS FOR A FEE, AND EITHER A PRIEST, MAGISTRATE OR JUDGE SHALL VALIDATE THIS LEGAL UNION OF TWO UNRELATED PEOPLE WISHING TO FORM A BOND.

• HOWEVER, THE STATE DOES NOT RECOGNIZE AS ELIGIBLE FOR SUCH BOND  AND HEREBY INVALIDATES HUMAN DIGNITY AND  FEELINGS OF LIFELONG LOVE FOR ONLY ONE CLASS OF TAXPAYING CITIZEN.

• FOR THIS EXCLUSIVELY NAMED AND SET ASIDE CLASS OF CITIZEN, HEREBY REFERRED TO AS "THEM HOMOSEXUALS," THE STATE HAS DEEMED INVALID, ILLEGAL, AND AMORAL, DESPITE VALID WITNESS TO THEIR EXISTING UNION, THE APPLICATION FOR SUCH SPOUSAL RECOGNITION BEFORE THE COURTS.

• THEY SHALL NOT BE WORTHY OF EVEN THE JUDGE.

• AMEN.

Couple Filing Jointly

(An essay I wrote for advance publication on WFAE.ORG, Charlotte's NPR station, in opposition to the proposed amending of the state constitution during a Republican primary to ban gay marriage forever, even though it's outlawed already. They held a community forum on the event. Watch it here.)




I’ve been to a lot of places as a kid in an uncomfortable suit. Weddings, funerals, you know – formal affairs. And growing up educated in school by faded Highlights cartoons showing me and young Billy how America was founded on freedom and the rights for all, well, even as a kid something always struck me as odd and made me feel all itchy and uncomfortable when it was spoken aloud at church weddings.

Maybe it was the stuffy suit, but I don’t think so.

“By the power invested in me by the great State of Rhode Island and Providence Plantations, I now pronounce you husband and wife.”

Makes you sit right upright in a walnut pew, doesn’t it? New England is appropriate for this conversation. A cold place where puritans escaped to practice their faith, but whose banished upstarts led to the great Providence of me. While I enjoy the symbolism of my ancestral trajectory in matters of the Spirit, consider the young and too-tight tied me sitting there, amid the hymnal references and saint-stained windows, baffled at how a priest could suddenly be the mayor at a ribbon cutting ceremony.

We’re all arguing over the wrong thing here!

Problem is, you gave the priest the power in the first place. The issue is not how to define marriage, the issue before us is whether or not we want to destroy democracy. Corporations already operate the cogs of government, just look at how the Supreme Court heard these “people” talk and not you. Now the Church, in whatever cloth it chooses today, wants to actually legislate its banned behavior doctrine by scribbling on the state Constitution that gives you the very right not to listen to a single thing it says.

I’m sorry if that’s a bad old bee in your big-browed Easter Bonnet, and I frankly don’t care to hear about your bible babble or the inability of two rockets to make children. To be in favor of an amendment to existing law already banning same gender matrimony is overkill. Such overkill is based in hate, and not at all in practicing principals of universal love found in any Savior’s heart.


There are two marriages on the table here and nobody is seeing that – the one the Church performs as sacrament and the one the State sees as a stamp of approval by some Justice of the Peace. This approving stamp, however, does not require the former but can in fact be performed by the State.

We want the one the State sees, thank you, and we’ll find a pretty little chapel later.

For over two decades I have loved and shared my life with my partner, companion, significant other – any euphemism you so choose, but whose role in my life is most definitely spouse. Our home is lovely, we invest in society jointly. Our family recognizes us as such. So do our friends and neighbors. For this, I want to check one little box.